hello dear family and dear friends,
it has been a while since i wrote something here. and so much has happened in the meanwhile.
right now i am sitting on our couch in the living room, soft music is playing, bluegrass to be exact which takes me on a mental journey back to the states to virginia, to the blue ridge mountains, to heidi and her beautiful farm, to the homey and comfy feeling i had living in that beautiful state. the mentality and easy-going-ness of its people - i see it all, feel it all again and i smile. soft light spreads its warmness in the room, my housemate steve is baking, i can hear dishes being moved and the sweet fragrance of apples in the oven will soon fill out the whole house as he is making an apple crisp. through the window across from me i can see snow slowly falling to the ground, lulling us into a state of comfort and sleepiness. nowhere to go but here.
i have been busy with my first big role in a real theater production. we opened last friday and had shows on saturday as well as sunday. it was soo much fun. we had a wonderful audience on all three nights. the week before our opening night we were in the theater every night for 7 days, rehearsing and rehearsing and rehearsing all over. it was exhausting. by wednesday i was feeling rather tired and not really excited about our opening in two days. i felt sick and worn out. so many things had yet to be taken care of, so many things were not going right. but then wednesday we had our dress rehearsal - the final rehearsal - and it went great. i felt so happy and exhilarated and excited. on Thursday morning though i felt rather sick to my stomach. one of our actors felt very bad on wednesday and told us he had been throwing up all night. so from thursday afternoon till friday morning i was in bed feeling really sick and i was throwing up all night. nothing stayed in my body not even tea. luckily, our director decided not to rehearse on thursday night so i was able to take care of myself and stay in bed for the the whole day. by friday morning i felt better, didn't throw up anymore but felt rather weak. i hadn't eaten anything for the last 12 hours so i was very shaky on my legs. i was determined to make it for opening night though. i called my stage manager and gave him a heads-up and he said-very dry: 'well, as long as you are not dead, there is really no excuse not to be on stage'. well, thank you.:)
that really made me think about what professional actors do. for them there is really no choice i guess. anyway, i had some homemade mashed potatoes and then steve drove me to fergus. when i arrived i found out that 2 other actors had the same thing feeling all sick to their stomachs and dizzy and weak. so there we were a cast of 6 actors with 3 being very pale and groaning at different times.:)
now when i look back at it it's rather funny. back then, i didn't dare to laugh cause i was too scared i might throw up right there and then. but we made it through the show without any hassle, everyone being very professional and focused. a couple times during the show though i felt like i am going to faint... after the show i went home and pretty much straight to bed.
the cool thing about it was that i wasn't nervous about my performance i was more concerned about staying focused and breathing deep trying not to faint or throw up.
also, when i was leaning over our toilet seat at 2:13am in the morning, again releasing whatever was still in my body, i thought to myself how blessed i am to be sick and to know that i will be alright very soon in the future. i thought about all the people who have this kind of pain every day and who are feeling sick every single second of every day not knowing when they might feel better. that thought helped me get through the night although i felt rather lost and helpless, tired and desperate at other times during that long night. but now that my body has come back to normal and is asking for food again i feel so healthy, cleaned and blessed. i am amazed about this body that keeps carrying my soul every day, that gets up every morning and lets' me live this life i am living right now. a body that is strong, that knows exactly what to do when it gets sick and that comes out of sickness that much stronger and even more beautiful.
i feel very blessed.
and i am very excited right now that i am living this life that i am living. i am so happy to be in that play, to be on stage, to work and learn from other actors and directors. and most of all to create a show that the audience enjoys. a show that makes them cry and smile and laugh and leave the theater feeling good and happy. that is the biggest gift ever. and we do get a lot of laughs and tears.
so i am extending this deep profound happiness and love that i feel for myself and my life and life in general to you who is reading this right now!
may you feel touched by laughter today!
may someone open her arms and embrace you!
may you feel that we are all one.
jewels
