germany. day two.

hello my dear friends and family,
i am writing you this time for our basement, the fan is going and trying to make breathing easier for me. it is so hot here. it's about 1am german time and i can't sleep. hard to believe it is only 7pm back in canada. i already miss that country. and i miss english. i mean i am walking down these german streets and am still always amazed when i pass someone and that person speaks german with another person. like it is the most normal thing in the world. and it is. but for me it was always an excitement when i met germans on my travels and then was able to hear that familiar tongue again. and here it is all around me. i keep falling back into english and i miss speaking it all day long. my family is awesome though. they are very patient with me still starting to speak english mid-sentence.:) in general they are all just wonderful. so welcoming. they had a huge poster for me at the airport welcoming me back. so sweet. and shirts saying 'wanted' and my picture under it. i just loved it. driving back i was simply taking back by looking at german land. it seemed all so trangley familar but from so long ago. it seemed like i was dreaming. so unreal. and yet i was very present. hugging my sister felt so good. she is such a grown woman now. really nice. i feel very happy to be at her graduation ceremony on saturday. she is very excited. so am i. and i will see my grandparents soon. i am really excited about that as well. i spoke to my neighbor this morning who is now 21 and he is also all grown-up. it is so much fun to see people growing and evolving and becoming the person they want to be. i am so excioted to hear people's stories.
my body is still on canadian time in a way. i mean i am now wide awake while also feeling tired. did i mention it is super hot here??? my flight was wonderfully calm and relaxed. i saw the sun set and rise in a matter of hours. gorgeous. so much beauty on this planet. and then i landed in iceland where i switched planes and wow, what a beautiful place that is.
anyway, so now i am wide awake and it is night time here.
it is also weird to sleep in my old room again. so many memories. so many old spirits. i will buy some sage and help clear the space. plus i am going to get rid of a lot of stuff. so much easier now that i have lived without it for 3 years. i really don't need much to live. people. good food. theater.

i am sending you all my love.
may you be surrounded bz supportive people.
may you experience something new every day.
may we all keep being curious and embracing of new situations.
love, love, love,
jewels

one of these nights...

dear friends and family,

i am having one of these nights. where it is already long passed my bed time but i can't fall asleep. where my eyes are tired but my head is awake. where i feel i want to drag out this already passed day and stay up longer, and that way prolonging acknowledging that a new day has started.

tonight i have been asked to be part of a plant for someone's bachelor party and i was able to learn a very important lesson as a actress but also as a human being: expect nothing and be open for anything. i wrote down some ideas and thoughts i had of how i want to stage the whole thing meanwhile not knowing where it will happen and how the location is going to look like. so when i got there and started my plot with a set idea of how i am going to do it and where i want to go with this, i was blown away by the reality that people were reacting differently that i expected and thought of in the script. so it was awkward cause the other men who were in the bachelor party were not helping me at all. they were kinda taking me apart in midair. i mentioned to kinda plot through it and get out of the situation very soon. but of course i wasn't happy with the outcome... anyway, apparently they liked it and enjoyed it. my housemate was there with me and he said he was amazed i stuck with it for so long.

anyway, what i take out of this experience? 1. take an improv class as soon as possible.

2. embrace new situations and let go of attachment to something that not IS.

in that sense. good night.

may you be able to embrace the new and different.

may you continue to learn and discover

namaste,

jewels

the merchant on venice

dear friends and family,

this is my next project:

the merchant of venice

a KW Youth Theater production:

i am very excited. it is going to be an amazing show!!!

love and light,

jewels

magic on a sunday

dear friends and family,

i am writing you these lines from my comfy bed in my room. the window is open and allows a lazy breeze to come in and kiss my bare skin. someone is hammering, someone is mowing her lawn and occasionally there is a car driving by. the sky is grey and the trees dance in the steady wind that makes their leaves sing.

i am happy.

what a weekend it has been. rehearsal, fun people, magical moments, deep sleeps and good food. every so often i stop in the midst of my movement and am so full of joy and happiness that my heart seems to over float.

much ado finished last weekend and it was fun.

but i am also happy that it is over. too much drama behind the scenes and so many things not

taken care off... i love the

people i was working with but there was no real team effort = so it seemed to me. usually your fellow actors in the show as well as the crew become your family outside your own. you work together so closely and spent so much time together that it is almost natural. but with this production i didn;t feel it. it was a long rehearsal process until opening night with people dropping out of the show and having to be replaced and no real direction from the director. it was a little disappointing. and at the same time it was also great fun. i was able to wear long dresses and a wig!! yeah!

we did 1o shows and had a good audience most of the time. we never sold out but we always had people in the rows. sometimes they were laughing and with us throughout the whole show. sometimes we almost wanted to sent someone out there to check if they were still alive as they didn;t make any sound at all...:)

now i am focusing on my last show. the merchant of venice. we open in june. so a good month away from today. it is so much fun. our director is just wonderful and has a clear vision of what he wants to do with this show. so nice to walk into the rehearsal space knowing that there is already a plan for todays practice. we move along so beautifully. i love my fellow actors and i really like my role. i am playing portia!

also in a little over a month i will be leaving this country that has become my home over the last year. i am also leaving guelph which is such a beautiful place to live in. i am staying with my dear friends in minnesota for a couple weeks and then on june 28 i will be flying out of the us and head to germany!! yea, that's right i will be going back to see my lovely family and all my lovely friends!! at this point i am not exactly sure how long my stay will be. i would love to come back here. this is the life i always dreamt about. theater. english. canada. children. funky city. beautiful people. conscious lifestyle. i am happy here. but i am also open to whatever happens when i am back in europe. i still want to walk the camino and spent some time in beautiful la tranche sur mer.

we will see what the universe unfolds. i am embracing life. and the many choices i have. and will have.

namaste my friends.

may you feel bliss and joy in your heart and soul.

may you be loved and hugged and kissed,

may you send out your beautiful smiles to whoever you meet.

(like today on the street when i passed an older man in a wheel chair and he waved to me as if we knew each other. that made me smile. from one ear to the other.:))

love and light,

jewels

much ado....

hi sweet friends,

just a very short post as i am super tired and exhausted. just got home from another show of much ado about nothing in guelph. oh. so much fun. i stood in the dark theater on stage for a while just breathing the air and smiling like a happy child.

may you feel so content and right where you are as i did in that moment.

sweet dreams.

jewels

22nd year of my physical experience of being jewels

what a glorious day

blissful moments

dear friends

heart to heart chat with family

sun, blue sky

smoothie,

walk in the park

conversation under a tree

ducks in the pond

children in pink skirts

sunglasses

hand in hand trying to cross a busy street

theater

sitting outside at 11pm

smiles

hugs

kisses

cake.

a birthday after my taste.

:)

AuditionBliss

I am so full

Of life

Right

Now

I can feel it pulsing through my veins

Up and down

And all around

In my body –

Oh theater

You are such a pleasure

To me

you lift me up

and carry me away

you transform me

into anything I

possibly

can be-

come.

You make me smile

And dance, and laugh out loud

Randomly

Making people stop on the street

And wonder what happened to that beaming

Creature….

What happened?

You happened.

The space

So full of magic

Ignites something

Deep in me.

The moment when I speak

in front of

people

who are giving me their full

Attention

And interest.

The air still

Until

I break

It

with words

Spoken by me

But coming from

Beyond

From the hemisphere

Of Language

So beautiful.

I would love

To liquefy it

And take a big sip

I think it would taste

Deliciously sweet

And refreshing.

Dripping speeches

Full of emotions

Feelings

Love

Hate

Anger

Fear

Joy

Despair

Anxiety

You encompass it all

You wrap it up

Into spoken shapes

Of beauty.

Thoughts

Become pictures

Living creatures

Just through you.

Oh theater,

Thou art my deepest desire

My life force.

The excitement

Before

A performance

My heart beating,

My body tingling

My hands shaking

Nowhere else do I feel

As close to being alive as

Then.

The air is filled with anticipation

As I wait alongside with

Other actors.

As my performance time

Comes closer

I close my eyes

And get lost in a whirlpool of

Blood rushing through my head,

My heart beating loud in my ears

The sound of it makes me

smile.

And then my name is called

The door opens

I enter.

I am present

This is it.

4 pairs of eyes are looking

at me

welcoming,

curiously.

I can see their interest

In the way the take in

Me

My body

My presence

Nowhere else do I find myself

Being so

Noticed

and

acknowledged.

I feel their

Anticipation.

I take a breath

Catch my running mind

Cause now I just

am

Whatever these words

I am about to speak

Want me to

Be.

And I start.

Beauty dripping down

From my mouth

In form of words

That roll of

My tongue

Filling out this magical

space

Taking their

place

amongst

All the other

Words which

Have been spoken here

Before.

If they could only reach

The audience’s ears

And ignite something

In their minds or

Bodies

That is all I want.

I already know

about the magic

these phrases are able to create

I leave it up to them now

To do

The same

In these people’s

Hearts.

I finish my lines.

I breathe.

It is spoken.

I can feel their

Presence

Now part of the room’s

Athmosphere

I set them free

Now may they rest

Amongst all the

Others

And delude

The next person

Who may enter

This secret space.

I leave

With a bright and glowing

Smile on my face

The outcome doesn’t

Matter at this point.

Thoughts and doubts

About what I could have done better

Will soon arise

But right now

My steps are light

I feel so alive

And happy

Like after giving birth

To a healthy

Beautiful child.

I just experienced

A miracle

Joy circulating in my body

Making me dizzy

And I feel like

I will overfload

If I don’t share

This

bliss

With people surrounding

Me.

So I do.

Smiles

so big they

Seem to spread from one

Ear to the other -

I give them

freely

To anyone I meet.

Sharing hugs full of

Love and life and joy with anyone

Who crosses my way

And cares to embrace

me.

Oh theater

Oh life

Thank you.

My heart beats

Every beat

Sings of gratitude

Fulfillment

Sunshine

Awesomeness.

Here I am

Jewels.