winter walks

hello dear friends and family,

i just c

ame home from a lovely walk. i saw about a million wild geese chatting along with their fast tongues. now i am back home, it is nice and cozy and i am about to watch 'breakfast at tiffany's' which i have never seen and very keen to finally enjoy. i already watched 'amelie' today and again this glorious story captured me and made me want to live in paris. :) one day...

i have been very lazy the last couple da

ys which was nice. i rearranged my room and i just love it now. it is so cozy and feels homey for the first time since i have moved in here.

tomorrow i will be helping a friend who is moving from one appartment to another. and then at night a dear friend of mine has a good-bye party as she will be leaving for france to live and work a the plum village. a community which was formed by the buddhist monk thich nhat hanh founded. she will be staying there for one month.

canada covered with snow,

much love to you all.

jewels

sweet winter magic

ode to hot chocolate -

hot chocolate

on a brisk

winter night

deliciously brown liquid gold

makes me

happy

inside

warms me up

fills me out

makes me smile

makes me shine

deliciously

chocolaty

with foam on top.

sweet winter magic

hello dear family and friends,

i am writing to you comfortably seated on my bed in my upstairs room. i am leaning against a very cold wall (yeah, insulation has left for the winter..:)), and when i look out of the window to my left i can see snow falling. slowly, not rushed and unbelievably silent. today i am working my last day before christmas at the cornerstone. since last monday when i worked there i have been having this really intense cough which is still with me today. my voice kept leaving me every now and then during the last week. this weekend i had rehearsals saturday and sunday and therefore i had to talk my share bit. so by yesterday night my voice did these really funny things of shrieking every now and then which made my speech rather...well, interesting. i felt like a teenage boy trying to control the way my voice sounded but well, that made it even worse. so i decided to let my voice just do its thing - it is after all christmas - and simply went with it. i personally think that my voice (any voice really) sounds rather sexy when sick... except again the shrieking...:)

anyway, i realized on saturday that christmas is coming up. it is always the same with me. christmas has the tendency to just sneak up on me with a big 'bOOOOh' the day before... i mean since costa rica the actual day doesn't mean that much to me any more. i think christmas could be any day of the year. but i enjoy getting together with people, sharing food and just having a nice and lazy time with the people i love. while it is snowing outside and the world seemed to have stopped so there is nothing else really to do anyway.

i soon have to get dressed and walk downtown to start working so just want to send out my love to every one of you. i feel deeply blessed to have you all in my life. may you have a wonderful and magical time this season with your beloved once. may we all share the love with each other that connects us very deep and eternally.

namaste.

may peace fill your heart, your mind and your spirit.

may you feel loved and appreciated.

may you be surrounded by generous people and kindred souls

may you feel understood.

and may you shine your own special light

always.

jewels

mhmmm..

not bad. a few are burnt. but oh well...:)

gluecksgefuehle

i am sitting in my living room, joe cocker is singing and i am in the middle of making christmas cookies. just went over to my neighbors to fetch a rolling pin (sp??). that is how you start a community. speak to your neighbor. i knocked on their door and this older couple let me in and we talked for 20min after i told them my misery of discovering AFTER i started the dough that i don't have a rolling pin. so these wonderful people looked everywhere in the kitchen and when she couldn't find it her husband went downstairs and after 5min came back up beaming and holding up not one but 2 rolling pins for me to chose from. love it. they told me that they have been to germany. so we talked about where they went. 'munich, oberammergau and then also where was that pub where hitler used to take his buddies??' hmm, don't know right this second...:) anyway we had a nice chat and i left all excited and happy, skipping while crossing over to our front yard.

when i look out of the window there is snow everywhere. someone on a jet ski (again sp??) drove up and down the road and made a lot of noise. but besides that it is very quiet.

so today again was a day of caring a big belly with me. i wore it yesterday for rehearsal and didn't take it off until now. and i am still caring it. it feels nice you know. it feels warm and cozy and it gives me 'gluecksgefuehle'...:) and it is another layer against the cold wind..

this morning when i woke up i looked outside and it was snowing. it makes me sooo happy. all the way downtown to buy some groceries i was laughing and smiling and just loving the sound of my shoes walking on SNOW. the smell reminded me off the ski vacation my family and i did when i was younger. we drove to switzerland to ski for a couple weeks. and the smell of freshly fallen snow, the clear air and the white sky are very vividly in my mind. also the bundling up and going for walks which back then seemed to take FOREVER only to come home and have a hot chocolate and some cookies. (which for me was the best part..) so today i am all grown-up baking my own christmas cookies using my moms recipe:). i lit some candles, there is hot tea ready to be enjoyed and lovely music is playing.

tonight there is another rehearsal for shakespeare. but there is also a game night at the cornerstone so i am tempted to skip rehearsal tonight and go PLAY. my scene is FAR into the play and giving the speed they had on tuesday they won't make it farther than the 2nd act. :) jewels, the rebel..:)

i was supposed to watch rowan today but because mary-kate, her mother, was gone for the last 3 days she called me this morning and said that today is a mother and daughter day. so i had the day off. i could use the money but instead i had a long breakfast and had this strong feeling that i want to bake cookies today. and here i am. the dough is in the fridge and waits for me to take it out. i bought a gingerman cookie cutter and can't wait to make tons of gingermen...:) only without ginger.

so lets get started.

happy gingerman- hugs around the world. wherever you may read this at the moment. may you feel happiness and contentment in your heart. and something warm in your belly.:)

jewels

something about snow...

...that makes me happy.

this morning when i looked out my window the world around me was covered with a soft blanket of snow. it feels so peaceful. until the snowplough comes through and clears the streets everything is very quiet. for a moment or two it seems like the world has come to a stop and just breathes in the marvelous air of freshly fallen snow. there is something about the silence after a snow fall that has always fascinated me. it seems snow functions like a soothing blanket, a hug from above and the world gives in and relaxes. i love it.

yesterday night was Shakespeare night. i had another rehearsal, our second but this time we took our time and read really slowly and spoke about what we were reading. wow, Shakespeare is a master when it comes to language. he can write sentences that seem harmless but when you know about the time period and what was going on back then the meaning can suddenly change and you might have something rather insulting. it is fascinating. for me many monologues are just a blur of beautiful sounding words but the meaning? i make it up along the way. most of the time i am pretty close but sometimes i can be far off the actual meaning. so it was quite fun to listen to all these Shakespeare fans discussing the content and slowly but surely discovering that i had understood it completely different. if you just take his words as they are with your modern mind setting and understanding you can gallop far in the opposite direction without even recognizing it. i find it fascinating that even though every one had the same script with the same words in it we all understood it different. (i, of course was the one the farthest of...:))

and so i wondered... how much of what we say to each other is actually understood the way we said it? or even better how much of what we say is actually what we mean? because we all have different minds filled with different stories, experiences and teachings. so when and how can we be totally clear? and when can we be certain that the other person actually understands what we are talking about, left alone what we are feeling? cause understanding what we are thinking is one thing but understanding what and how the other person is feeling is a whole new story... that requires a whole different knowledge of vocabulary.

we talked and discussed and on my part, listened :), for 3 hours and only made it though the first act. oh Shakespeare. many times during the evening i caught myself wishing i could ask him in person and let him explain it. so why again did you write it that way? and did you really mean it like that? or are we miles off? and of course he would answer me with an understanding of the 16th century . wow, i guess that conversation would be rather confusing...;)

so tonight i will be again rehearsing. this time in Fergus and this time i do understand what i am saying. but again does that mean i know what it means? ...

i am sending everyone a warm hug. may you feel peace and comfort today. and may you feel understood by the people around you.

;)

jewels

Gretchen and me

Me on the beautiful path

beautiful walk along the river

working on set with Ed

Guelph in a blur

beautiful canada

having my sister over

feeling at home with people

magical morning...

my dear friends and family,

i am opening this blog with a special request. my family back home in Germany goes through a challenging time at the moment. my aunt is in the hospital after an intense surgery to remove a tumor that was behind her eye. the surgery was last week but she is still in the hospital as the recovery process only slowly unfolds. my aunt has two sons and a caring husband as well as my mother as her sister and my grandparents as her parents. they all worry and pray a lot these days. so lets send our thoughts to them as well as our love. i do believe in healing even over a distance and i am sure she will feel our support. i would love to hug her or hold her hand but i also know i can be a strong and helpful support even from far away. those are moments though were the physical distance becomes as clear to me as ever. anyway, lets keep them in our prayers.

my life has taken a wonderful turn last week. i am not sure if i wrote on my blog that i auditioned for a play way back in September when my sister was still here. i didn't get the role back then because they decided to go with another girl. it was apparently pretty close but for whatever reason - back then i didn't know- they chose her. i got busy with 'that summer' and then more recently with other auditions so that i didn't really forgot but well, i didn't think about that audition and their decision any longer. i have felt in my heart though the whole tome that i would be a perfect match as the characters life and my one has quite a few similarities. well, last week on Tuesday i came home and there was a voice message on the phone from the director of the play that said to please call her back. so i did and as it turned out the girl they chose has some personal problems that she has to take care of and so the director offered the role again to me. and i said YES!!!!! and then i found out that the only reason why they didn't take me in the first place was that they were worried about my slight accent that is still noticeable when i am not sure how to pronounce a word or when i am nervous.

so i am now playing Carolyn in 'having hope at home' by David Craig, a Canadian. it is a comedy with heart i would say. Carolyn is 9 months pregnant and hasn't see her parents in 3 years (seems kinda familiar doesn't it...i mean, the parents part..:)). the play takes place on a winter evening when Carolyn expects her parents over for dinner. just before they arrive her labour starts. she is determent to have this dinner anyway and so prove her parents that she can do something without canceling. anyway, Carolyn and her french-canadian fiance Michel planned to have a home birth with a midwife. Caro's father though works at city hospital as a doctor for gynaecology so Carolyn needs to hid her labour as she is certain that if he finds out about the home birth he won't talk to her again... so the parents arrive, and soon after that also the midwife, who Michel in is anxiety called to come - against Carolyn's wish. so Carolyn's grandpa who they live with pretends her to be his girlfriend in front of carolyns parents. so the fun begins....

it is a lovely story with real characters and heart. in the end there is a newborn and tears and well, yes happiness. 'hope' has been born.

to prepare myself for the role i have been running around with a belly for the past 2 days. one insight i got was: it is IN THE WAY!!!... i tried to bike my bicycle and had to acknowledge that there is something biking with me. trying to kneel down to pick something up is always fun cause i need to bend in a very funny way in order to not squeeze the 'baby' and get crushed myself. and as Carolyn says in the play: 'i feel like a beached wale'. even though it is not my real belly and there is not a real baby in it (it is not even heavy) i feel big and awkward. the really cool part is though that people are really nice to you. they open the door and are very understanding when you take longer.:)

the play opens in February. if any one happens to be nearby...:)

i talked to a guy yesterday at the cornerstone, my one shift a week is on Mondays. he looks after crows and eagles here at the university of Guelph. we talked about the crow he is working with and that made me want to look up that bird. i mean i have heart a lot about it in fairy tales and such but i never really thought about them. i always found them magical due to their shining blackness, and the sound they make always remembers me of fairy tales and magic. (for those who grew up in Germany there was once a children show on TV with a witch, a speaking suitcase and a crow... the crow always took shining things and hid them...) anyway, my sister bought this really amazing book for me while being in the states. it is called 'animal speak. the spiritual& magical powers of creatures great& small' by Ted Andrews.

so here is what i learned:

he talks about their color black: 'black is the color of creation. it is the womb out of which the new is born. it is also the color of the night. black is the maternal color and this the black night gives birth to a new day.' - interesting, isn't it how our society associates black with darkness, negativeness, fear and badness...

here is something about there way of talking: 'learning to understand the language of crows is something we all can do with practice. although it has no tongue, it does not use the tongue to make the sounds'. how much noise to we create that is not necessary?

crows as 'weather frogs': 'as with many animals, crows also have been known to predict tornadoes, rain and other changes in weather by the way they fly. working with crows can help you to see how the winds are going to blow into your life and how to adjust you own life flights.'

and in general: 'wherever crows are, there is magic. they are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. they remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest magic in life. they are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us.'

i thought that to be rather interesting. especially because i looked it up yesterday night before i went to bed and after my conversation at the cornerstone. and when i had breakfast this morning and i looked out of the window what did i see? a crow payed me a visit. it was carrying some sort of food in her month, maybe cheese maybe bread i don't know. it walked around in the front yard and then flew off. and that happened after i had a very deep and profound meditation where i connected with my family especially with my aunt and her folks in Germany. i send them my love and support and felt really out of it when i got out of the meditation. and there it was. the crow. i love it.

i want to spent this month studying more of that book and learning more about the different medicine every animal can carry for us. it fascinates me. i also want to paint my room and make it more cozy and homey. i like i already but it still doesn't feel like total home to me.

i will also do some more job searching and such cause with the hours i am working right now i probably won't be able to make it much farther then January. i have some more nanny jobs in sight and i hope to hear back from hempire where i had an interview already. i might even go by there today and see how things are. i am sooo excited about my role and finally being able to act in a real production that i have spent most of my time studying my lines and preparing myself for it instead of focusing on these other things.. oh well, i just want to cherish this feeling..

so, yes my dear friends and family i feel really happy at the moment. i feel blessed to be healthy and strong and enabled to live my life the way i do. i also feel so blessed lately for my time in Costa Rica. 'the revolution project' where i stayed for 2 months really opened my heart and soul and spirit and helped me immensely to be the person i am meant to be. to listen to my calling and my heart. every time i am challenged with a situation or a thought, this warm soothing knowledge crawls up my spin into my heart and i remember what i have been taught by Andres and Zahrah and every one who lived there.

i manifest to have more meditation and dance in my life. because although i do yoga in the morning and mediate afterwards for a while it is not as deep and profound as it was back in Costa Rica. and dance?? well, dance just opens one's heart and soul and makes me personally very happy.

so i embrace every one of you wherever you are on your personal journey. feel free to post a comment if you feel like it. i would love to touch base with you that way!

may you have peace in your heart and a smile on your lips.

hakuna matata.

;)

jewels