i am opening this blog with a special request. my family back home in Germany goes through a challenging time at the moment. my aunt is in the hospital after an intense surgery to remove a tumor that was behind her eye. the surgery was last week but she is still in the hospital as the recovery process only slowly unfolds. my aunt has two sons and a caring husband as well as my mother as her sister and my grandparents as her parents. they all worry and pray a lot these days. so lets send our thoughts to them as well as our love. i do believe in healing even over a distance and i am sure she will feel our support. i would love to hug her or hold her hand but i also know i can be a strong and helpful support even from far away. those are moments though were the physical distance becomes as clear to me as ever. anyway, lets keep them in our prayers.
my life has taken a wonderful turn last week. i am not sure if i wrote on my blog that i auditioned for a play way back in September when my sister was still here. i didn't get the role back then because they decided to go with another girl. it was apparently pretty close but for whatever reason - back then i didn't know- they chose her. i got busy with 'that summer' and then more recently with other auditions so that i didn't really forgot but well, i didn't think about that audition and their decision any longer. i have felt in my heart though the whole tome that i would be a perfect match as the characters life and my one has quite a few similarities. well, last week on Tuesday i came home and there was a voice message on the phone from the director of the play that said to please call her back. so i did and as it turned out the girl they chose has some personal problems that she has to take care of and so the director offered the role again to me. and i said YES!!!!! and then i found out that the only reason why they didn't take me in the first place was that they were worried about my slight accent that is still noticeable when i am not sure how to pronounce a word or when i am nervous.
so i am now playing Carolyn in 'having hope at home' by David Craig, a Canadian. it is a comedy with heart i would say. Carolyn is 9 months pregnant and hasn't see her parents in 3 years (seems kinda familiar doesn't it...i mean, the parents part..:)). the play takes place on a winter evening when Carolyn expects her parents over for dinner. just before they arrive her labour starts. she is determent to have this dinner anyway and so prove her parents that she can do something without canceling. anyway, Carolyn and her french-canadian fiance Michel planned to have a home birth with a midwife. Caro's father though works at city hospital as a doctor for gynaecology so Carolyn needs to hid her labour as she is certain that if he finds out about the home birth he won't talk to her again... so the parents arrive, and soon after that also the midwife, who Michel in is anxiety called to come - against Carolyn's wish. so Carolyn's grandpa who they live with pretends her to be his girlfriend in front of carolyns parents. so the fun begins....
it is a lovely story with real characters and heart. in the end there is a newborn and tears and well, yes happiness. 'hope' has been born.
to prepare myself for the role i have been running around with a belly for the past 2 days. one insight i got was: it is IN THE WAY!!!... i tried to bike my bicycle and had to acknowledge that there is something biking with me. trying to kneel down to pick something up is always fun cause i need to bend in a very funny way in order to not squeeze the 'baby' and get crushed myself. and as Carolyn says in the play: 'i feel like a beached wale'. even though it is not my real belly and there is not a real baby in it (it is not even heavy) i feel big and awkward. the really cool part is though that people are really nice to you. they open the door and are very understanding when you take longer.:)
the play opens in February. if any one happens to be nearby...:)
i talked to a guy yesterday at the cornerstone, my one shift a week is on Mondays. he looks after crows and eagles here at the university of Guelph. we talked about the crow he is working with and that made me want to look up that bird. i mean i have heart a lot about it in fairy tales and such but i never really thought about them. i always found them magical due to their shining blackness, and the sound they make always remembers me of fairy tales and magic. (for those who grew up in Germany there was once a children show on TV with a witch, a speaking suitcase and a crow... the crow always took shining things and hid them...) anyway, my sister bought this really amazing book for me while being in the states. it is called 'animal speak. the spiritual& magical powers of creatures great& small' by Ted Andrews.
so here is what i learned:
he talks about their color black: 'black is the color of creation. it is the womb out of which the new is born. it is also the color of the night. black is the maternal color and this the black night gives birth to a new day.' - interesting, isn't it how our society associates black with darkness, negativeness, fear and badness...
here is something about there way of talking: 'learning to understand the language of crows is something we all can do with practice. although it has no tongue, it does not use the tongue to make the sounds'. how much noise to we create that is not necessary?
crows as 'weather frogs': 'as with many animals, crows also have been known to predict tornadoes, rain and other changes in weather by the way they fly. working with crows can help you to see how the winds are going to blow into your life and how to adjust you own life flights.'
and in general: 'wherever crows are, there is magic. they are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. they remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest magic in life. they are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us.'
i thought that to be rather interesting. especially because i looked it up yesterday night before i went to bed and after my conversation at the cornerstone. and when i had breakfast this morning and i looked out of the window what did i see? a crow payed me a visit. it was carrying some sort of food in her month, maybe cheese maybe bread i don't know. it walked around in the front yard and then flew off. and that happened after i had a very deep and profound meditation where i connected with my family especially with my aunt and her folks in Germany. i send them my love and support and felt really out of it when i got out of the meditation. and there it was. the crow. i love it.
i want to spent this month studying more of that book and learning more about the different medicine every animal can carry for us. it fascinates me. i also want to paint my room and make it more cozy and homey. i like i already but it still doesn't feel like total home to me.
i will also do some more job searching and such cause with the hours i am working right now i probably won't be able to make it much farther then January. i have some more nanny jobs in sight and i hope to hear back from hempire where i had an interview already. i might even go by there today and see how things are. i am sooo excited about my role and finally being able to act in a real production that i have spent most of my time studying my lines and preparing myself for it instead of focusing on these other things.. oh well, i just want to cherish this feeling..
so, yes my dear friends and family i feel really happy at the moment. i feel blessed to be healthy and strong and enabled to live my life the way i do. i also feel so blessed lately for my time in Costa Rica. 'the revolution project' where i stayed for 2 months really opened my heart and soul and spirit and helped me immensely to be the person i am meant to be. to listen to my calling and my heart. every time i am challenged with a situation or a thought, this warm soothing knowledge crawls up my spin into my heart and i remember what i have been taught by Andres and Zahrah and every one who lived there.
i manifest to have more meditation and dance in my life. because although i do yoga in the morning and mediate afterwards for a while it is not as deep and profound as it was back in Costa Rica. and dance?? well, dance just opens one's heart and soul and makes me personally very happy.
so i embrace every one of you wherever you are on your personal journey. feel free to post a comment if you feel like it. i would love to touch base with you that way!
may you have peace in your heart and a smile on your lips.
hakuna matata.
;)
jewels
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