thursday, 10pm, my world is magical. how is yours?

hello dear friends and family,

as i probably mentioned in my last blog (maybe i should read the blogs already written before i write another one...oh well...) i auditioned for an agathe christe play on sunday. i felt afterwards as i left the building i could have done better, could have shown them more variety, more emotions etc. i wasn't very pleased with myself. and as i was walking home yesterday night after i attended a musical called tommy (weird story...weird musical...mhmm) all caught up in the typiucal emotions i feel after seeing and being in a theater and been captured in the theater world by an impressing play, i felt very sad (as always when i am in the audience) that I wasn't on stage. that i wasn't part of that production. and my thoughts went back to the audition and i felt really sad and frustrated and angry too that they haven't called back yet and that it is in the hand of OTHERS to decide whether or not i will be on stage soon. then at one point of my walk home i stopped in the middle of my movement and i spoke out loud: 'alright universe, you got me here. i am guilty as susie's hand in the candy jar. i am trying to be the decision maker in my life, i am the one thinking i know what is right for me and where i need to go in order to be happy. well, shitty shit i have NO clue. and i give it up. i leave it up to YOU. i surrender. here take it. i trust you. i know there is a perfect role for me out there. and things will simply fall into place if they are right. i trust you.' i didn't feel that much better afterwards but i could feel a slight burden was taken from me. and i smiled.

well, what can i say, when i got home i saw that steve had left a note on the steps. it said: vision theater called. they want you back for callbacks.

shubdidu.

there it was. blue on white. well i went back there tonight and acted my a** out!!! i died and cried and screamed. i am an actress. cheese, i really am. so now i am all blushed and hot and full of vibrant theatrical energy. I LOVE IT. i can't even describe how much i love it. how much it moves me and how deep it goes. i feel so blessed that i can do this. that i am in this country, in this beautiful body, having such beautiful people around me, here and in germany who support me and believe in me. and most important of all: that i believe in ME. no matter what happens after tonight i feel so grateful for these couple hours that i was able to play again..

the auditions for the shakespearian play are coming up this weekend and i want to go out there and shake that stage, just for the sake of my love to that language and that wonderful man who wrote these amazing plays. just for the fun and joy i get from being on stage and performing.

they will call me probably tomorrow about the agathe christie play and tell me their decision. i will have to figure out what to do when i get the role. i definitely want to do the shakespeare one but i am not sure if i can do both. and i won't know about the shakespeare one until monday probably.. oh well, here again, universe i leave it up to you... guide me.

love to you all. i am very happy at this moment. may my happiness and joy inspire you and lift you up wherever you are in your life right now!!!

namaste,

jewels